Going Out Your Door: A Day in the Life of a King

Ha, I wish!

Step 1: Travel to Hampton Court Palace, just outside of London, home of Henry VIII and William III.

Step 2: Ignore the awkward picture of Megan on the side. (I didn't realize she was taking the picture quite yet otherwise I wouldn't have looked like a servant at attention...)

Step 3: Look with awe and wonder at the palace behind.

Step 4: Look again, with more awe and wonder, remembering that this was one guy's house. One guy! (He might have had a few extra friends occasionally...)

Step 5: Observe the awe and wonder diminish as it takes ten minutes to walk up the driveway and be thankful for snowplows and short driveways at home.

Step 6: Enter through the servant's entrance (C'mon, seriously?!) and walk through the kitchens where they are pretending to still cook food. Observe how beef stew does not smell so good when its been sitting there for years.

Step 7: Put on a ridiculous- looking 16th century cape and feel foolish for a moment. Then think Lord of the Rings status and feel cool once again. Also note how warm the cape is and how cold it suddenly feels outside. Have a brief moment of remembrance for warm Michigan summers... and then move on.

Step 8: Tour the incredible buildings, noting that wallpaper must be out and golden tapestries and paintings of rather naked people must be in. Make a note for future home design projects.

Step 9: Get lost. Look desperately around for signs or a map. Realize that cool people don't need those and so try to get unlost.

Step 10: Note that the beds look rather claustrophobic and are probably a fire hazard. Feel very smart when you hear that one actually did start on fire.

Step 11: Admire the guys rooms'. Note their rather unique decorating techniques and be thankful that it hasn't made its way to the States yet and that the chances of your brother reading this blog are slim to none.

(If you can't tell, those are rifles in the middle and swords in the corners)

Step 12: Get lost again. Feel slightly annoyed with how big it is and how every room looks the same. Didn't you just see that tapestry?

Step 13: Feel happy when your wanderings lead you past the fountain that once flowed with wine. Feel sad when you realize its not working. Make a note to tell Dad to fix it the next time he comes to England.

Step 14: Sit down, because its already been fourteen steps!

Step 15: Go to the gardens and get a dreamy smile on your face at how very Princess-ish it all looks. Look for the Secret Garden. Fail in your efforts, but still act a bit giddy.

Step 16: Look for and find delicious British scones.

Step 17: Walk through the courtyard one last time and think if only you had been born 500 years before... though hopefully not as a window-cleaner.